July 2008 -  

 

“Focus on a child’s strengths, and they will become stronger.”

I recently attended a conference called “Blossoming Gardens of Love in Children.” During the conference the speaker often referred to the “Can Do” kids. When I think of kids in our world today, I see many parents and guardians doing their best to rear children to have a “can do” attitude.

Children model themselves after adults who spend the most time with them. When we think in these terms for our children, it becomes an utmost priority to take a serious look at who is spending the most time with our children. From infancy through preschool, this would most likely be you, caregivers, close family, and friends. Your children are like sponges at this early age. School age children are watching and learning not only from the adults that surround them, but also from the children (their age and older) they are spending time with. They are developing lifelong attitudes and abilities. It is very important to surround your children with adults who have a love of life, family, and, most importantly, a deep love and respect for children.

Noted author and speaker Ron Hutchcraft touches on this subject in his book, 5 Needs Your Child Must Have Met at Home. He speaks specifically about this when he talks about, “Your Child, Your Mirror”. “Actually, our kids are like two-legged mirrors, reflecting a lot of what is inside us. Sometimes the reflection is amusing, sometimes it’s affirming, and other times it’s alarming. When parents look at their children, they ultimately find they are looking at themselves.”

Children that live in a “can do” environment usually have, or are developing, these strengths. The Appelbaum Training Institute (ATI) states, “Seven strengths in Can-Do Kids are self-esteem, expression of feelings, empathy to others, perseverance, responsibility, problem-solving ability, and hope and goal setting knowledge.”  We, as adults, can do many things to cultivate these strengths in our children. Involvement is the name of the game. As teachers of children, we have an incredible responsibility to our students. We must seek out curriculum that encourages these strengths. In our everyday moments with our children, we need to take advantage of their natural curiosity and expound upon that with activities while teaching skills.

The adults in your child’s world are the role models who they are looking to for guidance and mentoring. If you play a large part in the life of a child, you must realize the magnitude of this responsibility and not take it lightly. Children are observing you for answers and behaviors that distinguish between what is right (acceptable) and wrong (not acceptable). Children learn most from conversation by watching and listening. These skills will be the building blocks that develop a child’s personality and attitude.

ATI also speaks to factors in the home and places our children spend time that create disrespectful, uncaring children. “Adults are too busy, too much television, arguing is too prevalent, unfulfilled promises to kids, chaos, no routines, drug and alcohol abuse, and the list goes on.”  Allowing these negative things to be the most prevalent state of affairs in your child’s life is, and will be, a great disservice. Be careful about whom you ask or allow to be a part of your child’s life, children are like sponges and soak up what is around them. Surrounding your child with an environment that inspires kindness and caring will challenge him or her to always to strive to express those actions in his/her daily life.

There are so many activities and small games to use with youngsters that can be transformed to fit as your child grows. A few of my favorite authors who have written books on this subject are Ron Hutchcraft, Kevin Leman, and James Dobson. They have easy to follow and practical methods to utilize from childhood to adulthood. They write from their personal experience, which is usually where the best advice comes from.

A few weeks ago, I attended a breakfast where Ron Hutchcraft spoke and he shared the following story. “I once heard about a man who wrote a book before he was married entitled, Everything You Need to Know About How to Raise Your Children. Well, he got married and had a couple of young children. At that time, he wrote a booklet called, “Some Suggestions on How to Raise Your Children.” Then his children grew to be teenagers. That’s when he wrote a paragraph on, “Why No One Can Tell You How to Raise Your Children.”

Every child is different and will soak up what is around him in different ways and amounts. Ron explicitly states, “This book is not written by an expert. It is written by a dad with a heart full of deep concern over so many scarred children. It is written by a father who longs to offer encouragement and help parents in the pressure cooker.”

I have learned so much about parenting and child development from reading books written by real parents and their experiences. Books on this subject are as numerous as there are children in our world. Take the time to soak in advice, encouragement, and wisdom from other parents. You will be excited when you realize you are on the right path, or, if not, how to get there.

Tuning into your child and listening to what he or she has to say is important. I always liked the Jewish Proverb, “A child’s wisdom is also wisdom.” Kids are very intuitive and will be drawn toward the adults who make them feel important and respected. They will be willing and feel open to expressing their wants and needs if they have not been intimidated or embarrassed when doing so. Surround your children with enthusiastic, giving, caring adults from a very young age and watch as you see your child grows into a “can do”, caring, responsible, and self-directed person.

Ron Hutchcraft will be speaking at the Jamestown Savings Bank Ice Arena on Friday, November 7th at 6:30 p.m. This will be a great opportunity to hear his message related to his book, 5 Needs Your Child Must Have Met at Home.  I would strongly encourage all parents and caregivers to attend this important event.